


Sing for Me

by zuojia



Category: So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation
Genre: AU obviously, F/F, another birthday fic, i don't like it, ppl need to stop making me confront the implications of sicagate tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 05:32:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3369656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zuojia/pseuds/zuojia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By some sick twist of fate (or more likely, by the company's own cruel hand) they have their solo debuts at the same time. It would be almost funny, if September had never happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sing for Me

**Author's Note:**

> Spawned from a tweet from Miss ace-jihyo on tumblr (though obviously the tweet was on twitter. It's late, bear with me) and now written into a birthday present for the same friend. Happy birthday!

It's been months, and Taeyeon still can't quite wrap her head around what happened in September. That's how most of them still refer to it: _the events of September. Nine-thirty. The end of that month._

That day marked the end of more than just a month though, so Taeyeon usually just calls it what it was.

Jessica's leaving. Or her getting forced out. A separation from the group, but not the company...again, she's still struggling to process it, despite being months removed from whatever it was. 

She often wonders if it even matters. The aftermath is all they have to deal with anyway. Jessica's absence - it's that gap that's always felt, not whatever caused the gap. Taeyeon's still trying to process _that_ too, but that's something she's been dealing with for far longer than since last September.

Jessica isn't there. It's that simple.

After everything, one would think Taeyeon would be more used to the distance by now. 

\---

But then Jessica _is_ there. Not _back,_ but there. And Taeyeon shouldn't be surprised, because they've all known that the contract termination rumors were never more than just that. The company lets go of people, but not products. Not that easily. 

She _is_ surprised at first that the company would let this happen. (Not without some consternation, she thinks that Jessica's new boyfriend really must have that much money.) The more she thinks about it though, the more sense it makes, and she knows the company must love the pull potential drama has on the fans. It's all over the headlines.

_SNSD's main vocalist vs. SNSD's former main vocalist! So Nyuh Showdown! Who Will Win?_  

The fans will drive up the sales on either side. The public, too enticed by the scent of the scandal, will tune in to each side. Everyone will be waiting to see what they'll do next. Taeyeon will remember a time when they were on the same side. She won't know what Jessica remembers anymore. 

In the end, they'll probably both lose. The company will win over them both.

\---

They don't talk. It's debut week for both of them and it's clear everything's been perfectly orchestrated so that they're always moved around each other at a safe distance. 

If they do see each other, they're never looking at the other. And if by some accident they are, one of them is always glancing away at the wrong moment. 

Taeyeon doesn't think about that part much. Just missing each other despite close proximity is something they're both used to by now. 

She listens though, in spite of herself. Their title tracks have distinctly different sounds, each tailored to their own personal tastes. (They had each gotten that much control, finally and at the least.) The only thing their singles share is a tangible deviance from anything they've ever released with the group.

At the end of the week though, when producers and managers have relaxed a little in the backstage choreography created to keep the two of them apart, Taeyeon's able to sneak into the shadows of the side stage and watch while she listens. 

They've gone on right after another all week (Jessica may have gotten her own stage, but the company made sure Taeyeon got the last, and so their game of back and forth could continue), but Taeyeon had made it a point to be scarce during Jessica's performances.

She doesn't know what makes this day different, but more than anything she's too exhausted to pretend like she isn't happy to see Jessica on stage again.

And standing there on the side of the stage, eyes tracing Jessica's profile while she sings, Taeyeon realizes how similar their intro songs sound. Almost acoustic and somewhere between a midtempo and a ballad, designed to let the vocals shine.

Before Taeyeon can think about it too much, someone finds her and starts tugging on her arm, citing something about checking her mic. Taeyeon nods, but stays rooted on the spot staring at Jessica as the song comes to a close.

Whoever's tugging on her arms calls her name. 

Jessica ends her final note. She reopens her eyes slowly; just as it seems like she's about to turn and look to the stage wings, Taeyeon lets herself get pulled away. 

Later, when she's the one resurfacing from singing (she's always felt like ending a song is like coming back down to Earth) she blinks twice and looks left. She's a second too late, but she can see the back of Jessica's head turning way from her.

She wants to smile. Maybe they're not so different after all. 

\--- 

The questions are inevitable, of course. They navigate them expertly with awkward smiles and empty statements of support.

There's one though, where she slips.

"Taeyeon, since your voices are so beautiful, do you think you'll ever do a duet with Jessica?"

The MC grins at her, and she knows in the back of her head that he's either joking or that the question has somehow slipped past the censors.

She blinks at him for a moment, and then breaks out into a sudden, honest peal of laughter, because it's been a running joke for years now that they were the only main vocalist pair at the company without a duet.

Out of force of habit, out of years of answering the same question behind closed doors in personal conversation, Taeyeon raises her mic and answers, still smiling, "We always just talk about it."

The MC's eyebrows jump up. With a similar look of surprise, one of his colleagues interjects quickly to change the subject. Hundreds of fans look on in the audience, gaping, screaming, recording. Taeyeon can almost hear the managers grimacing backstage.

The camera stays on her, and she keeps smiling. 

\---

Jessica knocks on her door two days later. Taeyeon shouldn't be surprised, since she broke the rules first, and they've had years of practice sneaking away from the cameras and managers alike, but she still frowns as she lets Jessica into the dorm.

It's just them - everyone else has either moved out, is out with friends (or a date), or is out on schedules. 

Taeyeon closes the door quickly.

"This is a bad idea."

"You didn't seem so averse to bad ideas during that interview the other day." 

Taeyeon sighs. She follows Jessica to the living room; they sit facing each other on opposite sides of the couch.

"It was a mistake," Taeyeon mumbles. 

"Yes," Jessica responds, "you're rather good with those."

They stare at each other. Taeyeon bites down on the inside of her cheeks.

"You've never asked," she says after awhile.

Jessica shrugs. "I'm not sure I want to know the answer." 

"You're not curious?" 

Jessica nearly rolls her eyes. "About why I was dropped suddenly by people I spent more than half of my life with?" she asks back in a sardonic tone. "No, no questions on my end."

Taeyeon starts to apologize, but thinks better of it and looks down.

"What now?" she asks in a low voice.

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking when I came here," admits Jessica.

They fall into silence for several minutes, sitting in identical positions with their knees pulled to their chests and heads lolling sideways against the back of the couch. Each watches the other as though expecting her to disappear at any second.

"I thought you didn't want to be a solo artist," Jessica says eventually. 

"I asked management for it," Taeyeon tells her.

"Why?"

"They don't really know what to do with the number eight, and too much free time means too much thinking."

"You needed to be doing something." 

Taeyeon nods.

"You're going to kill yourself this way," Jessica says, and though her voice is flat Taeyeon can hear the note of old concern that's never lessened.

It's something they've discussed before - they fact that Taeyeon can't turn it off without completely shutting down.

She shrugs now. "There are worse ways to die."

Jessica frowns at her and she almost smiles.

"Why did you really come here, Jess?" Taeyeon tries again.

There's a pause before Jessica answers. "To see you, I guess."

Taeyeon blinks at her.

"It's the promotion cycle," Jessica continues. "It's..."

"Taking away the distance," supplies Taeyeon.

"Making it more obvious," Jessica corrects.

For a brief moment, Taeyeon has a strong urge to lean over to the other side of the couch and close whatever gap resides between them, but she doesn't move and neither does Jessica.

"Who do you sing for?" she asks suddenly. 

Jessica's brows crease.

"I mean -"

"I know what you mean."

Taeyeon bites her lip as Jessica studies her. 

"For myself," Jessica answers after a moment.

The unasked, _And you?_ , hangs in the air between them. Neither one of them say anything. After a few minutes Jessica gets up. Taeyeon follows her again to the door.

They hover awkwardly for a moment. 

"I'll see you later," Jessica says. She sounds as exhausted as Taeyeon feels.

Taeyeon just nods. Jessica gives her half a smile, turns away, and pulls the door shut.

_And you?_

Taeyeon stands listening to the unspoken question for another minute as she stares at the door. 

"For you," she finally murmurs. "It's still for you."

 


End file.
